The last couple of weeks I've been so scared of the future. I've not been feeling like myself and I've been so lost. I've never been this lost. Everything got better when I visited my parents. I feel so safe there. When I got back I felt strange and grumpy and just GAH did not like myself...
 I don't know why it took me about a month, A MONTH to pull myself together and talk to my handsome boyfriend about this. Yesterday I told him how I've been feeling lately. I've not been sure about anything, not myself, us, the future NOTHING. I've been so scared that I some day would fall out of love with him. Or maybe that I already had. I've been feeling so strange that I had no clue how I felt about anything. Or, I still knew that I love tacos and chocolate. Just as I still knew and know that I love Roberto more than anything in this world!

Yesterday I had had enough. These strange feeling crap broke me and I cruled up into a ball on the bed and just cried. After Roberto had been sitting with me for a while trying to figure out what was wrong I told him. I told Roberto how scared I was that I would be to one to mess up our relationship. That maybe later in life we'd not be together. Why would we take things further if that might happen? And that damn bastard... What does he say??? "Angelica, you can't think like that! No one can know what will happen in 50 years, we want to be together now and that's what matters! Of course it would suck if that happened , but no one can know what will happen in 50 years." It's obvious, but did that ever even cross my mind? NO. Why did it take me so long to just tell him that I'm scared? Silly me. I think, I might have thought that Id destroy something if I did. But st some point yesterday I thought that, no, I can not get rid of these shit I'm carrying if I can't even talk to one of the most important people in my life!

Jupp, that was the end of that. GAH. I wish I could stop thinking they way most girls do. Or I think most girls do. Just overthinking everything and stop making everything so damn complicated when it's not complicated at all! This morning I fell in love all over again. I've just been crying of happiness. I feel so silly now but happier than ever! I miss him right now. BUT in less than 4 hours he'll be home. That smart ass poop head :D

I'll now promise myself to stop keeing things that makes me scared and sad inside! 

Hello and welcome to my blog!

I’m back! 

A lot of things has happened, and I don’t know if I have time to explain everything. I’ve been on a rollercoaster ride for quite some time. But now I’m finally back at my feet! Almost… baby steps. Now I’m going to start my life anew, therefore I’m gonna fill it up with new ones. 

I’m here to conquer the world!

¡Estoy de vuelta!

Han pasado muchas cosas y no sé si tengo tiempo para explicarlo todo. He estado en una montaña rusa durante bastante tiempo, pero finalmente he vuelto a mis pasos (pasos de bebé, todo hay que decirlo). Ahora voy a empezar mi vida de nuevo, así que llenaré esto con cosas nuevas.

¡Estoy aquí para conquistar el mundo!

Bye!

Big hair change~

I cut my whole hair! I've never done this (so short) before and I've to say that I was a little bit nervous.
¡Me he cortado todo el pelo! Nunca lo había hecho (cortarlo tan corto) antes y tengo que admitir que estaba un poco nerviosa.

Before

At the beginning I just didn't thought much about how I would look like, I totally thought I would have a cute haircut and also my natural hair color...
But the reality looked a little bit different. Firstly I needed teacher help because for my mate was a difficult haircut.
Al principio no pensé realmente mucho si me iba a quedar bien o no, estaba convencida de que iba a ser un corte de pelo mono más mi color natural de pelo...
Pero la realidad fue un poco diferente. En primer lugar necesité la ayuda de la profesora porque para mi compañero era un corte de pelo un poco difícil.

When he finished cutting the hair (after 30 minutes) I was totally shocked! My hair was not even at all, was much shorter than I expected! But not only that, the bangs was much shorter on one side than the other. Dafaq? Finally the teacher had to cut my bangs more.
Cuando terminó de cortarme el pelo (después de 30 minutos) ¡Estaba totalmente sorprendida! Mi pelo no era lo que esperaba, era mucho más corto! Pero no solamente eso, el flequillo estaba más corto por un lado que por el otro. Al final la profesora tuvo que cortarme más el flequillo.

So here's the final result:
Así que aquí está el resultado final:

I fell so in love with my new cut. I've never expected that it'll look good on me, both, the color and the cut. Although the hair color isn't even, you maybe can't see it in the pic but it's color variates very strongly to red. Btw I like it (^^)
Estoy enamorada de mi nuevo corte de pelo. No pensé que fuese a quedar tan bien en mí, las dos cosas, el color y el corte. Aunque el color de pelo no es exacto, puede que no se vea bien en las fotos, pero tiene variaciones de rojo. De todas formas, me gusta (^^)

And step two is still in progress~
Y el segundo paso aun está en proceso~

I’m here to conquer the world!

I’m back! and in english (again)!
A lot of things has happened, and I don’t know if I have time to explain everything. I’ve been on a rollercoaster ride for quite some time now. But now I’m finally back at my feet! Almost… baby steps. Now I’m going to start my life anew, therefore I’m gonna fill it up with new ones.
I’m here to conquer the world!

Have you ever felt something so overwhelming, so overpowering, that it seems like your physical body almost can't contain the emotion, and you might burst, or fly away into the sky like an overinflated helium balloon?

I do :)

¡Feliz navidad! 
Merry Christmas! 
Frohe Weihnachten! 
Bon nadal! 
メリークリスマス！
메리 크리스마스!

I’ve given myself up to that as well.

It’s difficult enough being a woman, having pitted us against each other practically since birth. Who’s the prettiest, who’s the kindest, who’s the smartest, who’s the over all best. Just because we’re girls we’re forced to be evaluated by everyone because for some odd reason, being female means you have to try twice as hard to prove yourself.

No one taught me that size didn’t matter, nor did anyone teach me to feel awful about my body. All I had to do was watch people and their reactions to bodies. What people praised, what people shunned. Sadly, that still affects me.

Unfortunately, I can’t see a turn around for a very long time. It’s not uncommon to get plastic surgery here and there in asia. It’s not uncommon for many girls to be on a diet when they’re already small. Most of us fear our weight and hate our natural features, and there’s always someone that has something to say about it and that someone is more often a family member or friend that is asian.

I want to be a part of that change. I want to stand for different bodies. I know not every asian woman is naturally slim. Each race has endomorphs, ectomorphs, and mesomorphs. But the models keep getting tinier and tinier. Their faces are getting less and less natural. See, I don’t have a problem with those choices or those bodies. What I have a problem with is that by projecting those types of bodies as ideal to asian women and showing the world only those kind of asian women, it sets a false expectation in non-celebrity/non-model asian women and to the people who haven’t been exposed much to the asian race. When in reality, we’re quite diverse in shapes and features.

Not only are we pressured by the media and our families, but by how the world sees us. So that’s what they advertise to us.

I’ve given myself up to that as well. I won’t deny it. I want it so bad because I want to be beautiful because all my life, here and there, from TV to magazines, books and people, I’ve been told, “Little girl, when you’re beautiful people will notice you and people will like you.”

And guess what? When I stopped dressing in baggy clothes and started wearing makeup and doing my hair, people did notice me and people did like me more. We as a society FEED on these things without even realizing it. When a little girl gets older and starts to wear makeup and wear girly clothes, that’s not her growing up, not for every case. Some of those girls do it because they couldn’t find acceptance of themselves otherwise, tucking away parts of them they would have liked to enjoy but weren’t good enough to everyone else.

It’s important that as we grow older and new generations come in for any race, that we teach them that it’s not their bodies that will be determined if they will be loved, but who they are.

Once again, I don’t have a problem with celebrity and model type bodies or faces. I’m not saying they should be pushed aside or be replaced. I understand what does and doesn’t sell and they’re humans after all and can feel just as awful as the next person. I just know there needs to be some kind of change. Maybe in our own households, among family and friends, we should teach each other these things so that in the future things might be a little better.