The younger version of me.

I do remember when I was younger, in the school, how I didn’t want to be one of those “girly girls” and how showing more skin made that girl “slutty”. I remember thinking that way and believing it because I was threatened that if I were to become a girly girl I would be made fun of for being stupid for having unimportant interests and considered shallow and vain, or that if I showed more skin I would be an “attention whore asking for it” with loose morals and no respect for myself. I’m ashamed that I once thought like that, even if it was many years ago, but I was 11-12 years old and that’s what I was taught by the way I saw people treated and reacted to women.

Because of that I shunned those types of girls without knowing who they really were or what they’ve been through. I just assumed they were stupid and had little respect for themselves. I didn’t want people to think of me that way so I deterred from that route by becoming more like “one of the guys” and honestly believing I was better than other girls. Because being one of the guys meant I was cool, I was easier to talk to cause I didn’t have drama, they could see the real me because I didn’t wear a lot of makeup or dressed for other people. The boys’ approval was more important… and I honestly don’t even remember why it mattered. Things just fell into place just like that. Like it was normal… because it was. It was normal for girls to hate other girls, for guys to hate girls. Girls had to be a certain way for a certain time at a certain place with certain people. If they weren’t, then they were in the wrong. It’s amazing that some people still believe these things without realizing it’s wrong, or that they think this way.

It’s funny because if my younger self saw me now, the younger version of me probably would have judged my personality based on my current appearance, which would be vain, air-headed, attention seeking, and shallow. I’m glad that I grew out of that ignorant way of thinking and started thinking for myself and how other people felt regardless of gender, age, sexual orientation, race, or beliefs. If I didn’t take that time to really question why things are the way they are and the truth behind them, I probably would still be judging girls by how much makeup they wear and how much skin they showed.